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I am missing him so much today, my Cameron boy. In 15 days it will be four years since he passed away. The last little while I have been ornery, angry, anxious and just plain sad. My body seems to know the anniversary is coming and all the pent up grief that I bury so I can survive is struggling to break through. With time these anniversaries become more intense. I think because I am not grieving along the way as much as I should. I realized the other day how I rarely say Cameron's name. I miss hearing it and saying it. So weird....
So this month I am going to post lots of pictures of Cameron. We all miss him and can't wait for the day we will see him again. I found a poem that was fiiting...
It isn't letting go
it's going on.
It isn't only shadows
and it isn't only dawn.
It isn't GETTING THROUGH IT
...it's letting it come through me,
not living in the darkness
though the darkness I can see.
Its living with the sorrow
but finding memories sweet.
Its knowing that it takes both sides
to make it all complete.
It's soaking up the sunshine
along with the rain
Its learning to let laughter
live side by side with pain.
Its knowing that the past
won
or the sorrow that I feel.
It's knowing tears and laughter
can live on the same face,
and your impression on my heart
can never be erased.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Missing Cameron
Posted by Cassi at 11:51 AM
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10 comments:
Sweet post Cassie. I love the poem and I appreciate your sweet spirit.
Oh Cass, I think about you often and how you are such a strong and wonderful person. I think the world of you and can't imagine being such great person through all the trials that you have gone through. My heart breaks for you as I read this post. I am so sorry for all the pain that you have had to endure. But there is a bright side you get to see and be with him again. Love you and we want to see you more. Ty loved playing with your boys!
I am sorry Cassie. My heart aches for you. I will keep you in my prayers this month. May the Lord bring you comfort and peace. Cameron's eyes are amazing in that picture.
I will be thinking and praying for you too Cassie. Aren't pictures wonderful? They really are like bringing the memories with us as we move through life. I am looking forward to seeing more of Cameron.
Oh Cassi, I'm so so sorry for your pain. I've been thinking about you guys, especially during this month. I just love that picture of sweet Cameron, His smile and his beautiful eyes! You will see that face again! I wish I could train for this half marathon with you, it would be nice to run together. Too bad we never did it together while we were in DC, but I think one of us was pregnant the whole time. Wendy left a comment on my blog for you, so you can take a look at it.
Miss you guys! And I look forward to more pictures of all your boys!
They say there is no greater pain than the loss of a child. You are courageous and brave and a wonderful mother. Thank you for sharing your journey...
I think it is funny that my mom was the first to comment... guess you know she's keepin' tabs on you... I know you know how much we love you guys and miss Cameron. Lila still draws pictures of him and talks about when we get to see him in heaven! I just feel so lucky that I was one of the people who got to love your little man during his sweet life!!
Love you guys. What a great blessing to have Cameron in our family. I wish I could take your pain away even for a few days. I can't. Heavenly Father, Cameron and your friends and family love you so much. Thanks for sharing.
Cassi thank you for posting your feelings so freely on here. I was thinking of you today as I drove by your old place on my way to the grocery store. On the radio a man was talking about the pain he was going through watching his son battle cancer. The talk show host was trying to help him, and the whole time I thought of how amazing you and Ben have been with your journey of grieving. You have taught me so much and you continue to teach me. We love you and all your boys!!
I have really loved all of your posts and photos of Cameron. I can't believe its been 4 years. It a lot of ways I'm sure it feels like yesterday. Thank you for being so open about your feelings and thoughts. We are so thankful that we got to know Cameron & we able to feel of his amazing sweet spirit. Sending our love !!
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