Baseball Boy

This is true Cameron. In these pictures he is only 19 months old (the same age as Weston!). He loved everything ball. Now I recognize how amazingly coordinated he was. I think he just knew he had to race to do as much as he could in his short time here with a body. We played ball all day long...seriously. I even started getting better with all that practice. He could play pass, catch the ball with his mitt, pitch the ball complete with windup and pretty accurate, and hit the ball with the bat when we pitched to him. Really is amazing... He would watch the big boys play at the park and on tv with dad and then he would mimic their skills. I even started avoiding parks with basketball hoops and baseball diamonds because I knew instead of visiting with the other moms as our kids played on the playground, I would be trying to keep Cameron out of baseball and basketball games. He would wait on the side until a ball came his way then throw it back and try to join the game. And often if it wasn't a real game, people couldn't say no to him with his quick and easy smile and excitement for the game. Big boys would pass him the ball and lift him so he could make the shot. Such an easy kid to love.

Missing Cameron

I am missing him so much today, my Cameron boy. In 15 days it will be four years since he passed away. The last little while I have been ornery, angry, anxious and just plain sad. My body seems to know the anniversary is coming and all the pent up grief that I bury so I can survive is struggling to break through. With time these anniversaries become more intense. I think because I am not grieving along the way as much as I should. I realized the other day how I rarely say Cameron's name. I miss hearing it and saying it. So weird....
So this month I am going to post lots of pictures of Cameron. We all miss him and can't wait for the day we will see him again. I found a poem that was fiiting...

It isn't letting go
it's going on.
It isn't only shadows
and it isn't only dawn.
It isn't GETTING THROUGH IT
...it's letting it come through me,
not living in the darkness
though the darkness I can see.
Its living with the sorrow
but finding memories sweet.
Its knowing that it takes both sides
to make it all complete.
It's soaking up the sunshine
along with the rain
Its learning to let laughter
live side by side with pain.
Its knowing that the past
wonor take away the joy you brought
or the sorrow that I feel.
It's knowing tears and laughter
can live on the same face,
and your impression on my heart
can never be erased.

A boy and his bike

Mexico Trip

Ben had a week between school getting out and starting his internship. So we decided to take a trip to Mexico. We left the boys with Grandmas. We had a blast. Why don't we do this every year?

This is the view from our condo

Our beach where I learned that in my old age I am turning into a wimp. Ben was body surfing the gigantic waves. I tried and just got pounded to the point of then being chicken of the surf in general. I know I am a wimp...but the waves really were huge!

We look a little sad in this picture cause it is our last time on the beach before we leave.

View from our dinner on the beach.


This was so fun. We took a ferry boat to a remote location only reached by boat where they have this restaurant and performance set up. It was gorgeous...very survival like with torches everywhere. I loved it!

One day we went on zipline excursion through the mountains. It was fun with 13 different ziplines down the mountain, and then at the bottom we slid down the waterfall and swung on the ropeswing into the river. The water was freezing!

Mexico...can I come back?

Handsome boys at 18 months

I don't know why I like doing this, but I do. Here is Wes at nearly 18 months and Josh at the same age in the same cute outfit! My cute boys...




and Cameron at the same age...

Muscles

I am so far behind, but for now. Here are my cute boys flexing their muscles.

Saying Prayers

Weston is getting so old. He is 16 months now and copies everything Josh does. He just started folding his arms when we say prayers and saying amen. Tonight at bedtime Wes came and sat on the ground and folded his arms, then Josh knelt next to him and said a prayer. Then Wes pulled his binky out and said bless. It was so cute. So Ben helped Weston say a prayer. Ben told Wes to say bless Josh. Wes looked over at Josh and then wrapped his arms around him in a big bear hug that knocked Josh to the ground and Wes layed on top of him hugging him. So sweet. Of course this turned into Weston and Josh wrestling. But it was so funny cause Wes was the one starting it. The were rolling on the floor hugging each other. I love that they are such buddies and love each other so much!