Happy Birthday Weston!

Weston Michael today you are two years old. I am sorry your birthday is so close to Christmas. It really is your own fault. You were supposed to come December 7th, and instead 9 days later I was finally induced. You are our "sumo" baby and I've got pictures to prove it. At 10 lbs. 5 oz. you were quite the "daddy" baby as Josh lovingly referred to you. You have always given us a run for our money. As an infant you could scream and demanded attention. As a two year old not much has changed. Except now you can tell us exactly what it is you want. You don't stop talking! Today you insist that you are not two but three just like Josh. You like to do everything Josh does and you two are the best of buddies. You know how to stand your ground though and sometimes can be aggressive. I often have to rescue Josh from your teasing. You give a pretty good grumpy face.
You think it is hillarious to sit in time-out and you love to run away with something you know you are not supposed to have. You only recently started sleeping through the night and are the master manipulator at bedtime. You love to sit on the potty and go poop to prolong the time before you get put in your crib.
And again you are so proud when you go on the potty, "just like Josh". You love to play ball and are very coordinated. You don't like mom to leave you and you are cautious of new people and new situations. Yet you are very independant and insist on doing everything yourself. You love to jump on everything and off of everything. You sure love your Dad.
And we sure love you!!

Big Feet

We have a Cameron chest in Weston's room that the boys love to get into lately. We keep special Cameron treasures; binky and deedee, baseball glove and ball, blanket, favorite outfit, teddy bear, elmo, and his red shoes. Some of these things like the bear and elmo long ago were brought out and now live in the toy room. And some things like the baseball and deedee get brought out and played with then I slip them back into the chest. Wes carried around the baseball all day making sure to tell everyone it was Cameron's baseball. Josh told Weston he could play with it cause Cameron was good at sharing and he was in heaven so he couldn't play with it now. So sweet and so sad at the same time.

Then the other day Josh was trying on Cameron's red shoes.
They were too big! A size 9 fit Cameron at 21 months old and my nearly 4 year old still doesn't quite fill them.
I forgot how big his hands and feet were.
I love this picture of all their shoes...Ben thinks it is sad. Which I guess it is, but it reminds me of the amazing blessing Cameron is in our family. My boys have a big brother who can guide them and watch over them. He reminds me that there is a bigger picture and to keep an eternal perspective. And he reminds me that life is supposed to be fun.

Pumpkin Patch

We didn't make it to the pumpkin patch before Halloween but then got a great coupon deal and went Monday. It was great...cheaper and not crowded.


They had these really fun tractors you could pedal and ride on. So fun!


Josh did superman jumps off the hay. This child is a dare devil!

Wes didn't get off this tractor the whole time. I had to push him all over the place on it. What a beautiful day.

Happy Halloween

We had a busy Halloween week. My kids were in their costumes three different days yet I didn't get any good pictures :(. Josh was a silverback gorilla and Weston was kind of a tiger (he hated all the costumes I tried to put on him and spent most of the time trying to get them off). We did some trick or treating in the crazy rain storm and then the kids had just as much fun handing out candy.

Cameron's Birthday

Happy Birthday Cameron!

We miss you and love you!

21 1/2 months old...

I wonder if with every child this age will jar me a little. Weston is exactly the same age as Cameron was when he passed away. When I realize that it makes my stomach drop and my heart race a little faster. I am reminded again how precious life is and how little control we have. And I think again how difficult it is to lose a child, regardless of how old they are. I am grateful for each day I had with Cameron. He was a remarkable 21 1/2 month old :). I am so grateful for my boys and so glad that Josh and Weston are here with me.

I have been reminded lately that life is difficult, for everybody.

I went to hear Stephanie Nielsen speak at BYU about being burned on 80% of her body and surviving. Life is hard. (click on her name to see her blog)

A woman in our ward just had an ectopic pregnancy and I have talked with her a little bit. Life is hard.

A man in our ward had his leg amputated from the thigh down because of cancer and his wife went through cancer right before they got married. Life is hard.

A woman in the MBA program just found out she has a tumor growing in her brain, she had surgery Monday. Life is hard.

I don't mean to mention these things callously. They all have really made me think of how I am handling my trials. And also made me realize I am not exempt to more...cause that is life. I need to step outside of my difficulties and recognize how I can bless others. I need to serve. I need to be aware that we all somehow suffer, even if it's quietly. So even if I am having a hard day, my smile or phone call may impact somebody who is going through something difficult. And the amazing part is that I feel better when I reach out, even if I don't know the outcome of my actions. My trials and hard days are made better. This is all stuff I have known for a long time, but sometimes losing a child feels like the most difficult, unfair, isolating trial. It is ongoing and grief resurfaces in the strangest places. Yet, I am sure that is how we all feel in the midst of our trials. I am grateful for the reminder that life is hard and it's supposed to be. I also am glad to know that we don't have to do it alone.

I wanted to post some pics of Weston and Cameron at the same age...