I wonder if with every child this age will jar me a little. Weston is exactly the same age as Cameron was when he passed away. When I realize that it makes my stomach drop and my heart race a little faster. I am reminded again how precious life is and how little control we have. And I think again how difficult it is to lose a child, regardless of how old they are. I am grateful for each day I had with Cameron. He was a remarkable 21 1/2 month old :). I am so grateful for my boys and so glad that Josh and Weston are here with me.
I have been reminded lately that life is difficult, for everybody.
I went to hear Stephanie Nielsen speak at BYU about being burned on 80% of her body and surviving. Life is hard. (click on her name to see her blog)
A woman in our ward just had an ectopic pregnancy and I have talked with her a little bit. Life is hard.
A man in our ward had his leg amputated from the thigh down because of cancer and his wife went through cancer right before they got married. Life is hard.
A woman in the MBA program just found out she has a tumor growing in her brain, she had surgery Monday. Life is hard.
I don't mean to mention these things callously. They all have really made me think of how I am handling my trials. And also made me realize I am not exempt to more...cause that is life. I need to step outside of my difficulties and recognize how I can bless others. I need to serve. I need to be aware that we all somehow suffer, even if it's quietly. So even if I am having a hard day, my smile or phone call may impact somebody who is going through something difficult. And the amazing part is that I feel better when I reach out, even if I don't know the outcome of my actions. My trials and hard days are made better. This is all stuff I have known for a long time, but sometimes losing a child feels like the most difficult, unfair, isolating trial. It is ongoing and grief resurfaces in the strangest places. Yet, I am sure that is how we all feel in the midst of our trials. I am grateful for the reminder that life is hard and it's supposed to be. I also am glad to know that we don't have to do it alone.
I wanted to post some pics of Weston and Cameron at the same age...
Thursday, October 7, 2010
21 1/2 months old...
Posted by Cassi at 10:01 AM
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8 comments:
i think you are amazing and you handle your trials with humble faith and are such an example to others Cas. thank you for sharing- always- i love hearing you love your boy. I love how you keep his spirit alive and I love that message you shared. I often go to the computer and watch the mormon messages for long times. they are beautiful, and no, none of us are exempt from trials, but I feel you are fully justified in thinking yours is one of the hardest ones. We love you. we think of you guys often. and i know we always say it, but let's get together!
Thank you for this post. I think you are fantastic. Life IS hard. That is why the moments of joy are so savored.
...and yes, I still want to meet you someday!
I am bracing myself as Peter is approaching the age Lucy was when she passed away. I too, wonder how I will handle it.
You are so beautiful. Inside and out.
I was putting Alex to sleep tonight and thinking about Cameron. I think Cameron felt older than his little 21 1/2 months at the time... when I compare him (and Lila at the time) to our babies now it just seems so sad. It is sad. You know that my heart still breaks for you (and for all of us, really...) I think you know this, but we still talk about him constantly. He's never forgotten around here!! Love you all!
Life is hard. And you are doing so well. My life is easy and I still spend lots of afternoons crying in a heap on my unmade bed. You are getting on in life and doing such a great job! You are amazing!! I love the age comparisons. You two have such handsome boys.
Hmm. I enjoyed this post. I think about the trials I have that seem big at the moment, but are really nothing compared to the list of other people's trials that I often run through in my mind. And I know it's not good to compare, but sometimes I do it. But yes, we all do have trials and some seem more unfair than others, and we all deal with them differently, and... I don't know where this sentence is going. But thanks for your post.
Thank you so much for this post. You are truly amazing. I always think about your Cameron when my boys get that age. My heart just aches for you, but you are doing amazing despite what life has thrown at you. I would have loved to go to that talk at BYU, I always follow her blog. Miss you guys, your boys are so adorable.
Hadn't checked in on your blog for a while. So glad i did today. Your post really touched me, as they often do. You are such a strong woman. Life is hard. I think about you and little Cameron so often. My heart just aches for you still. I think it always will. Life is hard and it just makes my heart ache to hear about the trials some are called to face in this life. It's just awful. I know there is a strength that is found in every trial, but my goodness it's hard to hear of things people have to deal with. Thank you for the reminders and perspective in your post. I read it, then went to hug and hold my kids as they are asleep tonight. Thinking of you always, Thanks.
I am glad your were able to go to Stephanie's speech. I wish I was in Utah--I love that woman.
Thank you for this post. It made me want to be better. You are such a great example Cassie. Love you!
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